If at any time in your marriage you have a feeling in your gut that something is not quite right, please do not ignore it. Hopefully, your instinct may be wrong. But just being alert may save your marriage.
A few tell tale signs of a cheating spouse are given below.
- When their behaviour turns erratic, they become distant, stop confiding in you. When their thoughts are always elsewhere and you have to repeat everything to get heard. When your spouse suddenly starts completely ignoring you. Or on the other extreme when they start to treat you extremely nicely in a manner that is out of pattern.
- When they encourage you to have your own social life, to go out of town with your friends, or to visit relatives. Almost as if they are trying to get you out of the house.
- When they work at an office, arrive home and head straight for a bath.
- When you find different gels/soaps/lotions in the bathroom. That have not been bought by you.
- When everything about you suddenly seems all wrong. The way you dress. The food in your house. Your lifestyle, your way of talking, your friends, your relatives. Things they were so proud of about you suddenly become irritating and wrong.
- When common friends start feeling uncomfortable around you, either because they are hiding facts about the affair from you, or they have heard nasty stories from your spouse about you.
- Your spouse is busy sending messages or emails all the time; while watching TV, at a movie, while dining, at a party, in the bathroom, in the middle of the night, and simultaneously complaining that “business is bad”.
- When they start deleting messages and emails and cleaning up the phone and laptop instantly. And then going to Trash and deleting that too.
- When they buy and start using a second cell phone.
- When they start keeping the cell phone close to their chest and make sure you get nowhere near it all 24 hours of the day, and have a password to protect anyone prying into their phones.
- When there is a massive change in their behaviour with other members of the family. They tend to pick up fights with all members of the family over small things.
- When your spouse suddenly shows undue interest about your schedule for the day. Wanting to know exactly what time you will be at which place, so they can plan their rendezvous accordingly.
- The tone in which they talk to you gets louder and harsher than it ever was. For some reason you may have never fought earlier. Now every simple conversation seems to end up in a full blown fight.
- When all of a sudden their hair and appearance becomes more important than it ever was. They want transplants, they want to stop the greying process, they want to try different weight loss techniques, want to look young. Things that did not interest them earlier.
- When they start having to leave the room to take a call, start whispering on the phone, hang up when you enter the room, are never available when you call on the landline at work. Then there is definitely trouble brewing.
- When they become very possessive about the phone bills, either hard copies or the electronic bills. Try and delete or tear the bills as soon as they arrive.
- They seem to loose interest in sex completely and make excuses for not wanting it. Sexual preferences show a marked change. They do not want to kiss you or hold hands anymore, which was the norm earlier.
- When you find coffee shop/restaurant bills of dates and times that they were at an important “business meeting” with the boss at the office.
- When they all of a sudden have business dinners that you are not invited to, and which they say will carry on till 3am or later.
I could go on and list more indicators but you get the point! If the answer to even a few of the above is ‘Yes’ then you might want to look more closely. Delve into the matter and try and nip things early. Do not think that ‘Ignorance is Bliss.’ Soon it may be too late to salvage the relationship.
~ Rohini Punj
Rohini Punj is a Director of the DBCO Forum for Women